Top 10 tips to help win a JIB Award next year

It has been quite a time since my last blog post, I know. I have a life you know, plus, who wants to be known to be around when the JIB's are running?

In the time since I returned home I have been to preoccupied to catch up on all events in the JBlogosphere, but fortunately (or unfortunately!) I was back in time to watch and read most things that occurred with the Jewish and Israeli Blog Awards; aka the JIB's. What an ugly, sad and sorry affair they turned out to be.

I was chatting with Mummi Fried the other day, just catching up on general things, when we got onto the topic of the JIB's. That was when we came up with the idea of a 'JIB's Survival Guide'.

Here are the top 10 tips to help win a JIB Award next year.

10. Spam your competitors comments sections with 'vote for me' comments..... sad but true.

9. If you really have no shame, advertise with WebAds so adverts asking readers to vote for your blog appears on everyone else's blog sites..... oh yeah, it happened!

8. Don't be stupid enough to write a post about who you voted for - you are telling one person you voted for them and a whole heap of other people you didn't vote for them!

7. Send out 5000 email asking people to vote for you - I think that is called spam isn't it?? Anyhow, that is sure to win a few votes.

6. Blog far more often than you usually would - once a month just won't cut it during the JIB's.

5. Ask family, friends, work friends and anyone else who normally wouldn't read your blog to vote for you - that's fair isn't it??

4. Tell other bloggers you have voted for them in hope they may return the favour.

3. Have a 'I Have No Shame' sticky post at the top of your blog *begging* for votes from readers and visitors to your blog.

2. In between voting for yourself, race around to as many blogs as you can, even ones you wouldn't normally read in a fit, and leave sucky comments in hope they will think you are really nice and vote for you. *puke*

1. The number one tip and the most important tip to being successful..... Make sure you vote early and often, especially before the site security is increased - after that, repetitive voting becomes quite difficult.


If you simply want to just live through the JIB's and not actually be involved in them, here is our number one top tip..... crawl under a rock and don't come out for the month or so that the JIB's drag on for!

Hopefully now all the hoo haa is over with regards to the JIB's, I may be able to rally the other monsters together to write a few more posts on this site!?

DovBear to join JIB committee?

Another of Mummi's favorite little boys is doing his fair share of attention seeking again. It seems that darling Dovie decided to post his 'two cents' on the topic of the 'good ideas' and 'bad ideas' the JIB committee have come up with - but now, in a later post, has been kvetching about the JIB committee members leaving comments defending themselves and their actions in running these cursed awards! What exactly did you expect them to do Dovie?

Instead of spending so much time putting down the JIBs and the way they are run Dovie, you should - with all your bright ideas, join the 'not-so-secret' club - the JIB Awards committee.

But then again, if we pick our way though the rotting flesh and get to the bare bones of this, Dovie is a traffic whore and will say or do anything to drive more traffic to his site, joining the committee or having any positive input into the running of the JIBs is not on Dovies list of 'to do' things.

His choice of traffic bait at the moment just happens to be the JIBs, as if they haven't got enough problems.

By the way Dovie, I think you should join the committee- that way we would know they would be really screwed!

Is it about to hit the Fan?

Seems the staff from The Jewish Press have started their own blog.

It's called The Jewish Press Blog.
It's apparent the creative minds at TJPB may have been strained that day.

In their initial post they tackle the rather contentious issue of 'About that "Discrimination" in Israeli Universities against Arabs in which some would accuse them of an attack on 'Jewschool and Israeli Arabs'.

The original article which raised the attention of TJNB seems to have been Admissions Racism but it appears they have picked a rather large bun fight with Mobius. A little birdie is telling me, some may be wishing they had taken the blue pill.

There's some pretty strong accusations made, some of which I find quite vile, but hey you make up your own mind.
The Jewish Press Blog has counter attacked (or defended?) with Jewschool Flunks Basic Honesty.

Mobius never known to be shy and retiring has counter punched.
Supporting his accusations that The Jewish Press supported Kolko in their coverage of the issue..
Jewish Press takes umbrage with my characterization of their Kolko coverage

So Which will it be the Blue Pill or the Red pill?

Make sure you take the time to read both sides.

Image adapted from an original image by B3ta via blogger heads

The Jewish and Israeli Porky Awards: Awarding those that deserve to be awarded: Introducing the Porkys

The Porkys


Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to this world exclusive announcement for the new JIP Awards.

These awards are now formally known as the Porkys, and will be very much sought after by some sectors of the Jblogosphere, if this years past qualifying performances are any guide.

It's a pleasure to be assisting and hosting such a prestigious and flaky event such as the Porkys.

I would like to say thanks to some of the JIP committee members who have been working very hard to get off their fannys... um... I mean to get the JIP Awards up and running.

This has been no easy task - getting the JIPs up and running has been incredibly hard. Most of our volunteers have cumbersome resuscitation units which stop them from contributing to their fullest capacity (or any capacity).

For these awards we have especially organized a Fedex delivery of extra lengths of resuscitation hosing, and obtained two former septic tanks which are now being used as hyperbaric chambers.

Due to previous events at other awards, were implications of impropriety were made, we have brought in extra security staff, to enable any criticisms to be dealt with in a proper, fair and even handed way; the complaintants will be shot in pairs.

Numerous members of the Jblogosphere have constantly mouthed off about how they could do such a great job of running the awards - it would seem this was just another example of Jblogogas.

These awards have been lucky enough to attract some outstanding contributors who will stop at nothing to pull down and destroy any attempt at being constructive. We welcome their non contributions, and expect absolutely nothing from them except irrational rants and the occasional belch.

The few actually active committee members have slapped together a few categories, and *wholah* now we have the Porkys.

When it comes to present these awards, I want to reassure you: that the winners of these awards are truly deserving, some have worked very hard toward achieving these goals and for others, it just comes naturally.

Guest Master of Ceremonies
We have arranged for a very special guest presenter - Mel Gibson. Mel has recently left a rehabilitation clinic and kindly offered to do these awards for twelve bottles of tequila.

Amongst the more unusual requests of Mr Gibson was that we organize our P.A. to dress as a police officer on the night and scold him saying he is a naughty boy and provided two sets of pillow cases with holes in them, I'm sure he has his reasons and no doubt it will be both a surprise and high light of these awards.

Never the less we're as excited as no doubt he is to host the Porkys awards for us.

Prime Minister Ehud Olmert is also rumored to be presenting an award of encouragement for the biggest Porky.

Moshe Katsav mayl be presenting an award, for the category of best Porky Tongue in Cheek personally.

We have many awards to announce so lets get straight into it.

• Best Porky, Reason for not contributing:
  
  
• Best Porky, I'm not Dov Weasel denial:
  
  
• Best Porky, Flaky Personality Award:
  
  
• Best Porky, It was really only an Oversight Award:
  
  
• Best Porky, Phoney Intellectual:
  
  
• Best Porky, They weren't really rigged awards response:
  
  
• Best Porky, Performance:
  
  
• Best Porky, Guest Post:
  
  
• Best Porky, blog of Indifference:
  
  
• Best Porky, Old and stale Blog:
  
  
• Best Porky, Awards Organizer:
  
  
• Best Porky, We will Contribute and help run the alternative awards: ...No nominations received so far
  
  
• Best Porky, Most Boring Blog:
  
  
• Best Porky, Traffic Statistics:
  
  
• Best Porky, I'm not blogging any more:
  
  
• Best Porky, Vindictive mass group emails are private not public:
  
  
• Best Porky, Blogging Kvetcher:
  
  
• Best Porky, Big Cry Baby:
  
  
• Best Porky, Cheapskate Award:
  
  
• Best Porky, Morph Awards:
  
  
• Best Porky, I've got 30,000 readers:
  
  
• Best Porky, I care about my readers:
  
  
• Best Porky, I don't care about the Porkys because...
  
  
• Best Porky, Self Righteous rant:
  
  
• Best Porky, Left Lunatic rant:
  
  
• Best Porky, Egg on Face:
  
  
• Best Porky, I'll do any thing for an award - award:
  
  
• Best Porky, narrowly defined blog award to enable my friend a chance to win:
  
  
• Best Porky, I thought these awards were genuine:
  
  
• Best Porky, Most Stupid comment this year:
  
  
• Other categories may be generated at whim to suit the organizers.
  [possibly before the awards are announced]

Nominations
Nominations are most welcome, but unless they're exceptional they will be ignored due to vested interests, nepotism and self aggrandizement.

Offers of bribes and kick backs gratefully accepted.

Results of Porky Award nominations will be publized soon.

Help Us Help You

Help support the Porkys and wear our badge with pride. [see: Left]

Prizes to be Won!

Those that display the Porkys award badge on their blogs will be in the running to receive a years supply of Porkies ' Fried Pork Rinds'.

This description taken from the web should help you salivate at the chance of winning this fine prize.

"These pork rinds are just packed with the greasy taste of hog fat. If you like that kind of thing, you might like these, but it's just too much for me. The consistency is fairly light and airy, but it's densely filled with a flavor that I don't like very much."

Web Awards Break out In Controversy (Yawn...)

Looks like the South African blog awards have broken out with allegations of nepotism and 'insider' trading. Now where have I heard that...??

Zombie has had a quick look over the SA Blog awards and thinks there's a lot of good ideas contained in them. There's also a lot of bad ones too.
Now Zombie or the other monsters could use this to attack this year's JIB's with regards to the commitee's eligibility to have their own blogs run.

But that would be negative and, considering I have no plans of getting off my fanny or actually volunteering to help, I'll leave that little kvetch.
Even though, those little jewels of truth probably will not stop Dov Bear conjuring up a few select quotes.

Dovie Lovie you there? We need a few more hypothetical experts and 'start ups' to start frothing they could do it better.

Looking at the flame wars happening with a few South African blogs right now:

SA blogger gangbang turns into a snuff movie
Controversy around the Blog Awards
Does the SA Blogging “elite” dominate Muti?

It kind of makes you feel sorry for who ever is stupid enough to help run the JIB awards.

Then again Dovie it must be heart breaking when all those rabid frothers, are called to actually do something and not one, replies to you!

Oh; Don't be nasty now Dovie, weasel still cares. Stay tuned.

IsreallyCool has a boo hoo

Oh my, Aussie Dave from IsreallyCool is having another paranoid episode.

In another riveting post about the Jewish and Israeli Blog Awards, he runs away from shadows and presents two 'Here's something I prepared earlier' recipes for why we should still love him, assuming any one actually did love him in the first place.

I haven't got the foggest which article he is actually talking about, but if any lepers out there want to risk pointing me to the article or comment with out losing an index finger, then I promise not to use your back for a dip.

Anyhoo, I want everyone to to join with me now, ready? All together on 1 - 2 - 3, "AWWWWWWW".

There - there, dry your eyes Dave, you will always be one of my favorite mummi's boys.

xxx

Bagel Blunder

Looks like the not so famous Bagel Blogger has had one too many foot in mouth episodes.
Really quite sad actually, *sob* - that is if you liked stale bagels.
I mean, really, I've had bagels last longer in the fridge than this Bagel Blunder Blog.
I would give you a link, but I assure you there's nothing left to look at! Lol!


Which raises the very valid point; Now that Bagel Blunder has been bamboozled, who might be the next victim of the JBlogosphere's love?

Oh well, another one bites the dust.