The Jewish and Israeli Porky Awards: Awarding those that deserve to be awarded: Introducing the Porkys

The Porkys


Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to this world exclusive announcement for the new JIP Awards.

These awards are now formally known as the Porkys, and will be very much sought after by some sectors of the Jblogosphere, if this years past qualifying performances are any guide.

It's a pleasure to be assisting and hosting such a prestigious and flaky event such as the Porkys.

I would like to say thanks to some of the JIP committee members who have been working very hard to get off their fannys... um... I mean to get the JIP Awards up and running.

This has been no easy task - getting the JIPs up and running has been incredibly hard. Most of our volunteers have cumbersome resuscitation units which stop them from contributing to their fullest capacity (or any capacity).

For these awards we have especially organized a Fedex delivery of extra lengths of resuscitation hosing, and obtained two former septic tanks which are now being used as hyperbaric chambers.

Due to previous events at other awards, were implications of impropriety were made, we have brought in extra security staff, to enable any criticisms to be dealt with in a proper, fair and even handed way; the complaintants will be shot in pairs.

Numerous members of the Jblogosphere have constantly mouthed off about how they could do such a great job of running the awards - it would seem this was just another example of Jblogogas.

These awards have been lucky enough to attract some outstanding contributors who will stop at nothing to pull down and destroy any attempt at being constructive. We welcome their non contributions, and expect absolutely nothing from them except irrational rants and the occasional belch.

The few actually active committee members have slapped together a few categories, and *wholah* now we have the Porkys.

When it comes to present these awards, I want to reassure you: that the winners of these awards are truly deserving, some have worked very hard toward achieving these goals and for others, it just comes naturally.

Guest Master of Ceremonies
We have arranged for a very special guest presenter - Mel Gibson. Mel has recently left a rehabilitation clinic and kindly offered to do these awards for twelve bottles of tequila.

Amongst the more unusual requests of Mr Gibson was that we organize our P.A. to dress as a police officer on the night and scold him saying he is a naughty boy and provided two sets of pillow cases with holes in them, I'm sure he has his reasons and no doubt it will be both a surprise and high light of these awards.

Never the less we're as excited as no doubt he is to host the Porkys awards for us.

Prime Minister Ehud Olmert is also rumored to be presenting an award of encouragement for the biggest Porky.

Moshe Katsav mayl be presenting an award, for the category of best Porky Tongue in Cheek personally.

We have many awards to announce so lets get straight into it.

• Best Porky, Reason for not contributing:
  
  
• Best Porky, I'm not Dov Weasel denial:
  
  
• Best Porky, Flaky Personality Award:
  
  
• Best Porky, It was really only an Oversight Award:
  
  
• Best Porky, Phoney Intellectual:
  
  
• Best Porky, They weren't really rigged awards response:
  
  
• Best Porky, Performance:
  
  
• Best Porky, Guest Post:
  
  
• Best Porky, blog of Indifference:
  
  
• Best Porky, Old and stale Blog:
  
  
• Best Porky, Awards Organizer:
  
  
• Best Porky, We will Contribute and help run the alternative awards: ...No nominations received so far
  
  
• Best Porky, Most Boring Blog:
  
  
• Best Porky, Traffic Statistics:
  
  
• Best Porky, I'm not blogging any more:
  
  
• Best Porky, Vindictive mass group emails are private not public:
  
  
• Best Porky, Blogging Kvetcher:
  
  
• Best Porky, Big Cry Baby:
  
  
• Best Porky, Cheapskate Award:
  
  
• Best Porky, Morph Awards:
  
  
• Best Porky, I've got 30,000 readers:
  
  
• Best Porky, I care about my readers:
  
  
• Best Porky, I don't care about the Porkys because...
  
  
• Best Porky, Self Righteous rant:
  
  
• Best Porky, Left Lunatic rant:
  
  
• Best Porky, Egg on Face:
  
  
• Best Porky, I'll do any thing for an award - award:
  
  
• Best Porky, narrowly defined blog award to enable my friend a chance to win:
  
  
• Best Porky, I thought these awards were genuine:
  
  
• Best Porky, Most Stupid comment this year:
  
  
• Other categories may be generated at whim to suit the organizers.
  [possibly before the awards are announced]

Nominations
Nominations are most welcome, but unless they're exceptional they will be ignored due to vested interests, nepotism and self aggrandizement.

Offers of bribes and kick backs gratefully accepted.

Results of Porky Award nominations will be publized soon.

Help Us Help You

Help support the Porkys and wear our badge with pride. [see: Left]

Prizes to be Won!

Those that display the Porkys award badge on their blogs will be in the running to receive a years supply of Porkies ' Fried Pork Rinds'.

This description taken from the web should help you salivate at the chance of winning this fine prize.

"These pork rinds are just packed with the greasy taste of hog fat. If you like that kind of thing, you might like these, but it's just too much for me. The consistency is fairly light and airy, but it's densely filled with a flavor that I don't like very much."